Dear Piglet,

When my mum told me that you sent me a letter I was like super stunned and puzzled at the same time. I kept wonder what you wrote in the letter and without even reading the content, i alr become abit emotional. I was hoping that you would say smt that I wanna see but at the same time i was afraid that you would write things i don't wanna see. I was actually contemplating to go home and retrieve it after my rehearsal. HAHA! Seriously.... After that i decided to ask you what was it about because i was dying to know what is the content of the letter. Eventhough I act as though i don't wanna read it. I still asked my sister to take a picture of the content and send it to me. I guess there are really some things i didnt know even during our HTHT talks. Like what really happened in J1 and my disappearing act. Like how you felt guilty for making me wait so long. Like how you couldn't merge with my friends. Similarly there are also things which I didn't tell you but i don't know if you realised. I also found it hard to blend with grace, sn, andrew and gang. No matter how, I still tried because i know they are your close friends. Somehow it felt weird communicating with them eventhough we have been classmates for so long. Honestly I felt better with your uni friends like huayuan and vanessa although i seldom talk to them. It really felt much comfortable and close talking to them. If you asked me to have dinner with them, i'd definately agree to it without a second thought. Like how i tried to pay for most of our dates so that you will have more money for your exchange. I guessed that if i had given you the money as a lump sum you wouldn't accept it and of course i didnt have the financial capability to give you a lump sum at that time. Cuz i know that i can still earn money when im in singapore but the amount that you bring over will more or less be the amount that you can spend. Like no matter how many times we have arguments or quarrels i would say sorry first regardless if i think it's my fault or not(But of course most of the time i know its my fault la). No matter what happens at most my face will be black, i wont ignore you nor shout at you. I do it because i value the relationship more than my pride. Like how much I really wanted to have a place to relax with you. It would have been really nice if we could go to either one's place. We could sit on the sofa and watch a movie tgt. Cook tgt. Take afternoon naps like pigs tgt. All the things that I dont say doesnt mean that I nv thought about it. The test is really a bullshit thing. Looking back, it seems more like just an excuse for me for my mistake. I'm sorry if i made you feel used, it wasn't in my slightest of calculations nor my intention. Knowing about it might have made the pain more bearable for me but knowing that i've lost you for good and you didnt want to accept me again. I think i've received an equal amount of pain, just that mine was in installments with longer period and it came later. I don't blame you for your decision, ultimately i was the one who came up with a stupid idea. I guess you're not so heartless after all. Thanks for the birthday card, although I nv tell you that. HAHAHA! :D It took me a lot of courage to click "play" on draw smt with you and i was super afraid that you wouldn't play with me. LOL! I was kinda happy when you talked to me again yesterday, although i didn't really show much emotions in it. Today i realised, no matter how hard i try to convince myself to let go. I can't. Even as i sat inside the theater. I was reminded of you being angry with me for changing the meeting location the last min cuz rui peng came to drive pick me up from work. A year ago, it all seems so near yet so far. I know i still love and miss you alot, but i also know that things will never be the same again. that's where it hurts the most. I hope that in my next relationship, it will be my last one. I think that i've learnt alot in this relationship. Honestly i think i'm one of the better boyfriends alr.(Self praise! LOL!). Just that maybe im a little too horny and i screwed it up big time this time round. Everyone makes mistakes but only fools commit the mistakes over and over again.
Every time i think of you, i will look at the book you gave me during our first anniversary because it contains alot of precious and happy memories that helps to relief my pain.
Love,
Big Pig